just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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