you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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