I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
