I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my liver is dry heaving
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
