i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
