he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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