i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
