I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
