We're like a lot better than the average bears
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
