Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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