And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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