This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
