HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
