Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
