Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
