Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
