I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
