I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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