his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
