just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
