new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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