My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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