it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
