the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
home. puking in laundry basket.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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