I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
