well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
