Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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