well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
