All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
