the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
