ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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