strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
