Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
