Soap is not a condiment
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
