Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
