First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
