he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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