So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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