Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wear drunk well.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
