come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
