So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
