mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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