My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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