I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
