So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
