I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
