you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
