oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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