that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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