so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
