i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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