I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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