I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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