ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
