woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
