I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
