So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
