I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
