just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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