So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
