So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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