Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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