I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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