there's paper in my vomit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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