Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
