physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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