she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
