I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
