Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
